I don't know how to describe how I'm feeling other than 'not quite right'. I'm healthy enough so that's a good thing but there is so much going on in my head, so many things I want to achieve and I simply don't know where to start.
I thought that doing a monthly market would make me happy. Turns out I spend way too much stressing over making products and it's beginning to affect my family. I know I'm trying to contribute to our income but when it comes down to it, I'm spending heaps on supplies (I've given up adding the dockets), using any spare time to create products, and I can't even put a decent price on them for fear of not selling enough.
I am considering leaving my 2 part time jobs at the end of the year. My job as a quilt teacher is barely existent. I usually have to cancel the class especially when only 2 students are coming. I would rather spend my time at home with my family than go to work for 3 hours and earn next to nothing for my effort.
My other job as a playgroup leader is good consistant work but I know I could use that time at home cooking, cleaning or gardening and therefore saving money.
I really feel that my job is as a homemaker, it's where I want to be. I am very lucky to have such a supportive husband who insists that I do whatever makes me happy. We don't have a lot of money, we stick to a very tight budget that has now become tighter due to Dan going to England in 2013 to play school cricket. What I do know is that even on one wage we will get him there through how we live our lives, how I budget and becoming a better, more efficient home-maker.
Sorry for the rambling, it seems I have some decisions to make.
I know exactly how you feel Sue, I was in that head space before I gave up teaching. Give yourself some space and time at home if you can manage it and then reassess. Don't fill the time with something else though -- ease in, relax and go with the home flow for a while.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you.
I feel the same way too. I work in our business but feel guilty for having a day off because hubby works so hard there.
ReplyDeleteI feel like my house is never quite the way I want it because I just don't have time. Men don't understand proper cleanliness. I see finger marks, grease spots on cupboards, dust in corners but feel too pooped on the weekend to really get in there and clean. Since we built this house 7 years ago, I have never had a week off work to just be a 'homemaker'. I crave a week off - I have even considered putting it on a wish list for my Christmas present...
Joolz
home with my 3 kids and loving it, we scrape a happy existence together, just a little bit of work here and there does help.
ReplyDeleteI know so many young mum's who would love to stay at home instead of going to work so they could take care of their children themselves. Most of their pay goes to child care anyway.
ReplyDeleteSometimes just writing it down helps it all to make sense, does it. I'm glad that yesterday was a better day for you, Sue
ReplyDeletex
yeah, I had a layoff of about 6 months. I was home a lot and I was good with it. Then I started another part time job, along with helping my hubby part time with some of his bookkeeping work and I miss the at home time and I have trouble getting anything going after work. I'm in this for a while, but looking ahead for a change. There will always be reasons NOT to quit working, but hey, I like being home. I'm crafty and I grow things and I'm never at a loss...just need a good list some days!!! I've often thought working a couple of part time jobs is crazy, because you are working or running a ton, and not getting compensated for the stress of it all. Truly?? Follow your heart.
ReplyDeleteI can't tell you how many times I have gone through similar thoughts... 2 years ago, I retired my home based business after 10 conflicted years. I was tired of the time away from family and the lack of time to tackle home projects that were of higher value to the family than the income I was earning.
ReplyDeleteI decided a while back that I would treat my work at home as a "real job" and that really changed a lot for me. I chose to begin working the hours that my husband works and I'm mindful of filling my days with productive work (with suitable breaks of course). I chose to really WORK my homemaking job like I would if I was working in the position for an employer and what a difference it made for me! I am saving more money now than before because I decided to stop procrastinating and make some of the things I was putting off (soap, etc.). I think we all go through stages in our homemaking career where we need to re-assess and regroup.... our children age, our daily duties change... etc.
I believe firmly in assigning a value to what we do. For instance with the chairs I'm recovering, it is saving us over $700.00 which helps to re-affirm that what I am doing has value. Making bread - equivalent loaves of organic freshly ground whole wheat would sell for $6.00/loaf here. Making 4 at a time saves us close to $20.00 after figuring my costs. Re-purposing items in the home - again - saving money. Making cleaners - saving money and what about the family's health? Can't put a price on that!
I also like to value my time when deciding whether to take on a task or job. My time is worth a lot to me and my family. The benefit of doing anything outside of the home that takes times away from my family and home needs to be high enough to warrant that investment of my time. Not very many things qualify as "worth it" to me and us as a family. My work as a contributing member of the family is here in my home and rather than feeling stifled by that, I feel liberated! I may not get paid in cash, but I certainly "improve the family balance sheet" by REDUCING expenses and creating a rich home life that cannot ever be bought :) Hey - it's like earning but not paying taxes on the earnings... Hugs to you - you'll be sorted out in no time - take a break and BREATHE... XO